he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
