So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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