Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
