That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
