someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Vodka?
Forever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
