I think i peed on brittanys purse
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm both gender and math confused
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
