Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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