who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
