she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
