our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
