if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize