Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
