Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
