I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
