if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
