I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
