Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize