Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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