I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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