"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
