So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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