Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The ass gains better be worth it
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