Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
