so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
