I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
