Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
