He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
