So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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