it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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