we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
a search helicopter?!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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