How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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