i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
