Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
