New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
