I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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