imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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