the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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