dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
