Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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