Your face is a jimmy john
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
