she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
