apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize