Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
