I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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