today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
