i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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