he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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