; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
