dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm passing your future prison.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
