he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
