Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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