I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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