brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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