If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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