My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
