Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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