I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
