There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What a dumb baby whore.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
