He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
