The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
