oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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