i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
