you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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